Thoughts on Grief

The other day at the end of a meal the conversation found its way back to Ethiopia. This is a very common occurrence. Our little ones share about their life before they came to live with us.

Their memories are very much like mine of my childhood. It is what it is. Children don't put value judgements on experiences or share the unbelief that I feel at particular circumstances that they share. Their life is just that, life before America.

Some of the things that they share are hard to hear. Life in a third world country is very different than life here in the USA.

While putting Sweet Pea to bed that evening she lowered her voice while talking to me so that Sunshine wouldn't hear.

They have been through so much Mommy. They are so little to have gone through all of that. They are such amazing kids!

I completely agree and am so glad that she is recognizing that her little sister did not grow up down the street. Her first five years were very different from Sweet Pea's.

My friends who have adopted tell me that this is good that they are sharing so much about their life. I find it difficult to know what to say at times.

My precious Little Buddy is definitely grieving his life there. It is so hard for me to help him. Between the language barrier and three year old comprehension his hurts are difficult to pinpoint. He had major loss as he was turning two. I am pretty confident that no one took the time to help him through the process at that time.

Overall he is a happy, silly, adorable little boy. He is very obedient and has completely bonded to Stand-Up Dad and me. Maybe it is because of this that he feels safe enough to grieve in my arms.

I want to make his world OK and I can't! My mother love comes out and I work to protect his heart and make him feel safe, but it doesn't seem quite enough. I am praying that God will cover over his hurt and heal the broken parts. I know because of this brokenness that he will be a different man someday than if he had not gone through it. May God bring beauty from the ashes, because there are a lot of ashes.

If anyone reading this has thoughts to share, I would love to hear them. I have a call into my social worker, but she is out of town.

I feel so privileged to call this little boy my own. I have just never felt so much at a loss as to how to help one of my children. I assume the phrase Time heals all wounds is appropriate here. But I can't just wait this out. Please pray for us as we pray through this process.

Sweet Momma

Signs of Spring

Yesterday was absolutely beautiful at our house. It gave us all a chance to get outside and enjoy the surprises of Spring! We are all enjoying watching our two little ones experience so many new things each day.

I think they thought it would always be rainy and cold at their new house. I told them that it would be warm enough to wear shorts, and you would have thought that I told them we were going to Disneyland. (They don't even know what Disneyland is.)

It got even better when I said that they could play with 'bare feet.' Wow!!! Life at our house is so exciting! I had to take a minute and capture their wonder as our yard has begun to bloom.

I watched Little Buddy from my kitchen window as he looked at these red tulips so intently.

So pretty, Mommy. I am so happy to have two more nature lovers in our family!

Sweet Momma

Happy Birthday Stand-Up Dad!

Today is the day we celebrate the most AMAZING man in our lives! Stand-Up Dad is a wonderful husband who is SO attentive to this frazzled Mommy. He adores his children and takes special time each day with each one. One of the things that I love about him is the playful childlike heart that he has. He loves to play games, wrestle and the kids favorite, "Roll over Daddy!"

He is so dedicated to his kids. He will be spending the evening of his birthday running Bible Quiz practice. So we decided to surprise him with a party a day early.

The kids decorated the house and I made his favorite meal and an apple pie. He was confused and surprised when he came through the door. It was wonderful to be able to take the time to celebrate him.

As we sat down at the table, we all took a turn thanking God for Daddy and asking Him to bless Daddy. We all prayed, from me down to Little Buddy. This is a birthday tradition at our house.

As the prayer ended I looked up to see tears in Stand-Up Dad's eyes. He told us all that after all these years of life, being at home with all of us is his favorite place in the world.

We love you too!!!

Happy Birthday Stand-Up Dad!

Sweet Momma

Happy Easter!

Home Four Months!

Spring is here and things are blooming at our house. Relationships continue to be formed and each day brings new experiences and new questions.

Today as I was putting Little Buddy down for his nap he said, "Mommy, I want to go home." I said, "You are home honey." His response, "No, go home to Tirhas house." Tirhas is the beautiful young woman, his sister, who cared for him when he lived with her. From what we have gathered, she adored him and played with him. She is warm fuzzies to him.

I don't know why this came today, after four months. Maybe it was because he was a little sick today or maybe something reminded him of her. But my heart ached. We talked about her and prayed for her. Then I put him down with him repeating his request.

What do I say to help his hurt? How do I help him understand that we can't jump on a plane tomorrow to see her? I wish she lived down the street and we could go see her. I know all of this is normal, but it is a lot for a boy of three.

Again, I must lay this at the feet of Jesus. He knows Little Buddy's hurt. I have to trust that He will give me the words to help heal the hurt.

Speaking of hurt and healing...Easter is upon us and we are enjoying sharing this celebration with our new ones.

My dear Mother-in-Law sent a box with crafts for the kids. These are Easter Bookmarks. They had a wonderful time sticking on the stickers and adding their own designs.

All of the kids continue to learn how to be siblings together.

Last week during prayer time I was able to share with Sunshine how thankful I was to be her Mommy. She hugged me tight and thanked me for coming to Ethiopia. She immediately asked to pray again and proceeded to thank God for each one in her new family. Her willingness to embrace our family in this way always overwhelms me.

Pumpkin is learning to step into his Big Brother shoes and

is really enjoying having a boy to wrestle with.

This little guy continues to melt my heart with each hug and smooch that he offers.

He is a pure blessing in our family!

May God bless you and yours as you celebrate the most miraculous day in History!

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!

Sweet Momma